Granny Square Vest Retrospective
It has been over 3 months since I started and 2 months since I finished my granny square vest. Something about this project seemingly ruined crochet for me. I despised the process of making 25 granny squares, weaving in ends, color changes, and seaming together the squares. The finished product is not something I’m completely proud of, with uneven joins, inconsistent ribbing, and ends still not completely weaved in. I’ve even put off writing this retrospective and haven’t had the drive to crochet since completing the vest.
I finally found the motivation to compile my notes and thoughts from this vest, however, because I think it's important to talk about burnout and feeling like a project was a failure. I see a lot of successful artists and crocheters online and compare myself to their output, which is an unfair expectation to set on myself. I was already feeling burnt out from crocheting since March, due to completing back to back projects really quickly. I didn’t love all the projects I was working on, but I was more so just making things to stay busy. I felt largely uninspired and frustrated that I hated how the pieces I made looked on me (namely some hats and a crochet tank top).
On August 15, I reflected on crochet as a hobby and tried to pinpoint why It wasn’t bringing me as much joy as I thought it had in the past. Crochet was starting to feel wasteful since I mostly felt disappointed by the things I created, and I put a lot of time and materials into each project. I asked myself some questions like if I even enjoy crocheting, or who I am crocheting for.
Ultimately, I found that what I love about crochet is the sensory experience. The feeling of yarn running through my fingers, tying off an end and cutting yarn. The winding process of yarn cakes and cranking the handle of a yarn winder. I love the feeling of a Clover hook gliding across yarn, picking up the pace and crocheting dozens of stitches in rhythm without getting caught or tangled. The sensory experience of feeling my work in progress become something physical and growing in my hands is so special, and I love having things that are uniquely mine.
All that to say, I feel like I lost the basic joy that crochet brought me. The problems I ran into throughout making the vest amplified my frustrations, and led to me being careless and making more mistakes. I let my fear of making “bad” art take over and completely ruin a hobby that had brought me satisfaction and peace, mostly out of comparison to random people and artists I don’t even know. I almost completely scrapped the project when I completed the bottom ribbing and realized that I had made too many rows, and the ribbing was loose and scrunchy due to not having enough decreases. I had dedicated a lot of time to the ribbing on the bottom and one sleeve, and realizing I would have to scrap it all and restart was enough of a hurdle to make me just abandon the vest. I set it down for a few days, and eventually came back to it when I did a little research on how to actually do ribbing (turns out, freehanding ribbing is hard to do on your first attempt).
The vest was finally completed on September 29th. I wore it to get coffee that morning, and immediately got two (2!!!) compliments. Those strangers didn’t see the 3 months of emotional turmoil and frustration that went into it, or the imperfections and loose ends (that I pointed out). They just saw something cool, and affirmed maybe it was worth the effort and it is something to be proud of. When talking to those people, the things that I liked about the vest were finally able to come out. I admitted I loved the color scheme, and that the fit was exactly what I wanted. I love how snug the vest is and that it has a good weight to it, it feels sturdy and structurally sound. It kept me warm and brought me joy to wear, which is enough.
Since completing the vest, I have only worn it once. Even now, it is almost halfway through November and I am only just getting myself to talk about the vest and post completed pictures of it. I have it hanging on my wall, however, because I am proud of the fact that I saw it through and didn’t give up on it. I still haven’t been crocheting as much recently, because I need to find a project I feel fully inspired by. But I am happy that I finished something that was challenging, and it helped me realize that I fundamentally love crocheting, but maybe I just hate granny square projects.